My Fucking Life

Well Hello people I hope you find this enlightening.Superman can never ever have sex, why can’t the man of steel have sex well this is why.

Assuming Superman is a virgin then it’s safe to say he’s insane becuase he never ages when he appears in D.C comics at age 31 as mil mannered reported Clark Kent.

According to experts the Electroencephalograms taken of men and women during sexual intercourse show that orgasm resembles “a kind of pleasurable epileptic attack.” One loses control over one’s muscles.

Superman has been known to leave his fingerprints in steel and in hardened concrete, accidentally. What would he do to the woman in his arms during what amounts to an epileptic fit?

Superman would literally crush Lois Lane’s body in his arms, while simultaneously ripping her open from crotch to sternum, gutting her like a trout

When Superman ejaculates he must have the muscle of a Kryptonian which means he’d blow he’d blow holes out her back by mistake. How is it when he was goin through puberty and he had a wet dream that Lana Lang didn’t notice any sudden holes in the side of the house.

If they had a kid then if Lois gets a tan the kid could just kick right through her stomech! Supermans powers are enhanced by Earth’s yellow sun. Only someone like Wonder Woman could have a strong enough womb to carry his child. Or even better a supergirl surrogate. Supermans cousin. Unfortunately they don’t know each other exists so that idea kind of blows.

The only way he could have safe protected sex would be with a Kryptonie condom. But that would kill him, and we don’t want that and that isn’t ever going to happen because that would mean the comic book writers would stop making movies, books, games and comics forgoing the millions of dollars they have continued to make since supermans release in 1936.

Unless of course Superman and Lois had an artificial insemination. But again it still isn’t possible on all counts. Most sperm die while trying to reach an egg in the womb. But his is alien, It would be like a fucking gang rape fro the egg, complely shredding it as trillions of Supermans undead sperm rip the eggs to pieces.

Yea well, I hope you enjoyed this blog on why Superman can’t have sex, hope u get a few laughs out of it!

So my teacher once said. ”There’s no such thing as  stupid question.”

Miss? ”Can I fuck ur ass and rip you a new one?” Bullshit theres no such thing as a dumb question.

Its like you fall off your bike and ur grabbing ur leg with both arms moaning. ”My Leg! My fucking leg hurts so fucking bad.” Its almost fucking certain that some prick will come over and ask these 2 exact questions.

1. ”Are you hurt?” – Course im fucking hurt u just watched me flip over the handlebars and im fucking bleeding.

2. ”Where bouts does it hurt?” – Are you a fucking dipshit? Im grabbing my leg and moaning ”My fucking leg” and u can’t figure out where Im in pain? Juat go fucking die mate.

Another example of  a dumb question is when u go to a friends house and u forget your toothpaste so you ask your friend. ”Mate can a borrow some toothpaste please.” and they reply with the annoying automaic response ”what for” – So I can scrub your fuckikg brain for saying ”wat for” What possible use would I have for toothpaste? Im holding a brush in my right had and im at the sink. What the fuck else am I going to do other than clean my teeth so they don’t look like im from 13th century scotland!

When you’ve clearly gotten away with being a decieving little fucker and soemones got a hunch that your guilty. Theres no fucking way your going to to get caughts unless ur conscience is like a fuckin Jesus Christ that appears on your shoulder and demands you tell the truth. Anyway the person with the hunch suddenly asks ”Did you do this?” – Now why the fuck would I admit my guilt u stupid motherfucker. Do I want a  record? No you stupid fuckwit. Its like the cops pull you over at 2am and they say ”sir you have 2 dead hookers in your car and you’re covered in blood.What do you have to say?” The automagic response should and will away be ”What? No way, dead hookers in in my car. Its just not possible sir.”

So to all those teachers who say theres no such thing as a dumb question. You can all basically just get fucked.

Well I’ve got 2 very alive parents and divorced parents

Mum’s basically a full blown alcoholic and dads basicaly got no cock. It seems that mum has 2 fucking wines and she becomes the most abusive bitch on the planet and shes full prepared to break a fucking spoon over my leg and when i shut the door on her arm when she puts it in there I get the fucking blame. I don’t live with her now anyway. When I was 14 she came into my fucking room while i was sleeping and hit me with a fucking baseball bat. You wanna know how much that shit hurts….go try it on urself sometime. Remember to go to the emergency room to check you havn’t go internal bleeding.

My dad what can I say. Hes a nice guy. He does his best to impress his peers and do well at his job well doing his best to bring me up to be a respectable son. I gotta thank him for doing a more than reasonable job. Providng me with  a good education, helping me pursue sports and actively helping me in othwr problems.

The biggest problem with my dad that is he’s a pushover when it comes to women. What they want they get. When my parents spit in 2003 i moved back to my home city of Auckland and he remained in Nelson because he couldnt just leave his job. He started dating this fucking bitch Amanda Dick. She was 30 at the time. Fucking 18 years younger and it certainy showed. I got to see him once a month and every fucking time she was there on his arm dictating the events. My dads favourite trilogy is the matrix and when we went to see revolutions what happened? ”John this is boring. I wanna go home.” Whines amanda. So what happens? We go home 30 minutes in to the film, effectively wasting $30 and he’s OK with it. He wont shut up about the movie and he finally gets to see it and then he just leaves because she wants to. See what I mean? No dick whatsoever.

Lets jump ahead 9 months. Dads moved back to Christchurch and I’m living with him after the baseball incident with mum. Suddenly theres a ‘talk’ The ‘talk’ really means something shitty is about to happen and Im apparently going to benet from it. Bullshit! Then comes the announcement that Miss Dick will be moving in with us. I actually cried for the 1st time since I was 6. 8 years and i didnt shed a single fucking tear.

When she moved in with us we had to buy another fucking house because our current house wans’t big enough. She began labelling food. She began buying expensive things for herself yet she didn’t have a job. She blew the fuse box. Crashed the the car into the garage door and got sacked for her only job after 3 shifts of selling light fixtures. Eventually she began drinking and it was mum all over agin. One night shes fucking interrogating me and I basically said ”Fuck off u freeloader” we don’t like you so fuck off. The next day I got grounded for 2 months by my dad who said I was very disrespectful to a woman whos been nothing but nice. An hour later I find her searching my room cause she thinks I stole something from her drawer. So much for that claim.

The next week dad say we have to have another ‘talk.’ While sitting in the lounge they announce thier plans to bear children and I honestly laughed so hard I cried. When I relased they were serious i relealised the need for action to prevent the tradgedy of a child of her dna coming into our world. ”Are u pregnant or are you going to start trying?” ”We’re going to start trying.” ”Right….No your not. If you do You wull never see me again.” I then requested amanda leave them room and I dumptrucked my dad on the living room floor and kicked him as hard as possible so his understood how furious I was. Then suddenly something clicked in his mind that something was wrong and Amanda Dick moved out a week later. She lives in Ireland now.

Its January 1st 2008 and Im fufilling a New Years resolution of writing my very own blog.

What can I say Ive got alot to say. Im Bruce. Im 18 and I just finished High school 2 months ago and in 2 months I’m heading off to university to study biochemistry. Im doing this so I can be a forensic scientist. I would be a cop but unfortunately I’m 50% deaf in both ears so im doing the next best thing to help catch crime in our world.

When people hear Im 50 % deaf they assume everythings insanely quiet but thats not true. Imagine the high and low notes on any given intrument. I cant hear the high noted but I can hear the low notes really well. This is a little bit of a problem with women as often i need them to repeat things because I cant hear the ends of words. Like words that end in an S sound. Like house.

I work part time at a supermarket as a freezer bitch. Been there liek 3 years earning a bit of cash on the side. Im terrified on bees and i enjoy my alcohol.  I have 2 dogs and a cat. My parents are divorced and im a very ovserving person. I like to watch for liars and fakes. I embrace the real people in our lives and praise them for telling the truth.

Im not a religious person but I do respect religion. What it brings and what good it can bring to peoples lives. Personally I believe in science. Its the way I was raised and I don’t think it will ever change.

Thats all for now. Have fun and stay classy.

Welcome to Blogtown NZ. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!